When she was around 11 years old, her parents went through a divorce. Her father had an affair with his accountant, developed feelings for her, and ultimately asked for a separation from his wife.
Despite her mother’s best efforts to salvage their relationship, her father was adamant that he would only find happiness by ending it.
A girl got up one day, in her new house, demanded her mom about dad’s whereabouts; hence she got to know that her parents were separated.
She experienced a profound sense of instability, as though everything she relied on had suddenly been taken away. This upheaval led to significant challenges with her mental health in the years that followed.
Her father had to keep her hidden from his new wife, who disapproved of him spending time with her.
When she was 14, her mom had to leave for work, and he told her she could stay with him until her mom returned.
When her father’s wife discovered the situation, she reacted strongly. As a result, she was left alone at home for two weeks. During this time, her grandmother visited every few days to provide her with meals.
Now in her 30s, she has maintained distance from her father throughout her adult life. However, in the past five years, he has consistently called her, pressuring her to consider marriage.
After a decade of being with her partner, she was puzzled about why her father was so eager for her to get married.
A year ago, she got engaged and chose to give her dad another opportunity to be part of her life. To mark this new chapter, she hosted a party where her dad could meet her partner’s family for the first time.
“I didn’t expect him to attend the greet and meet dinner,” she said. “However, he surprised us by showing up not only for that event but for every single one and even more.”
Presents were traditionally bought by him for her parents and it is since that dinner for arrival that her father had turned into an enduring factor in life.
She felt an unexpected surge of happiness and surprise, feeling for the first time that her dad had truly supported her.
“He mentioned attending my wedding, and I inquired if he could bring his wife and children along. His response was that he wouldn’t be bringing them, but suggested that I extend the invitation to everyone.”
Her father lives in China, while she plans her wedding in Australia. As her stepmother has a teenaged son who is now in his last year at high school, she thought her should remain at home in order to help him through this crucial period of time.
A few months back, she mailed out her wedding invitations and included her dad and his entire family on the guest list. To be considerate, she extended the invite to her dad’s wife and children as well.
During a dinner outing with her cousin last week, her cousin shared that her father’s wife has been having ongoing disagreements with him.
It seems that her father’s wife has warned him that she will file for divorce if he attends her wedding.
Her mother eventually discovered that her father’s wife had taken his passport to prevent him from attending.
“I informed my cousin and my mother that everything was fine,” she continued. “I never anticipated that he would actually show up.”
It’s perfectly fine; I never expected my dad to give me away. I made a light-hearted comment about not being his property and shared that I always wanted to walk down the aisle on my own.
I tried to convince myself that I was prepared for this situation, but the truth is, I’ve been experiencing tears both in my dreams and in my waking life. It seems I’m in the midst of grieving the realization that I will never have a father figure who will be there for me and whom I can depend on.
She often reflects on the painful time when her parents divorced, remembering how her father’s decision to pursue a new relationship disrupted their once close-knit family.
Her father’s new spouse left her own husband to be with him, ultimately ending her previous marriage. Since then, her father has consistently prioritized his new wife and her children over his own daughter, and she can no longer overlook this pattern.
“Now he’s opting to miss my wedding in order to prioritize his marriage and family,” she added.
“I’m unsure if he ever had genuine affection for me. It feels like I’m the first thing he discards whenever it’s convenient for him. I’m contemplating cutting off all contact and acting as if he’s no longer in my life. I’m at a loss for what else to do.”
Do you have any suggestions on how to approach this situation from a new angle? Additionally, could you reassure me that it’s perfectly fine to walk down the aisle alone?
You can read the original post on Reddit here.
