For the past two years, a 27-year-old woman has been involved in a situation ship with a 28-year-old man. At the beginning of their relationship, she was the one who suggested they keep things casual.
She realized she wasn’t prepared for a serious relationship when she first met him, as she had just come out of a previous one.
“At the start, he made a grand effort to win me over—bringing me flowers, introducing me to his family, and even constructing a haunted house in his apartment for our first Halloween together. It was during this time that he confessed his love for me first. That moment marked the beginning of my own feelings for him. I realized I had found someone truly special and felt compelled to explore our relationship further,” she shared.
After about four months, she felt prepared to commit to him, but they never had a conversation about becoming exclusive.
She allowed him more freedom, leading him to date various other girls intermittently. Meanwhile, she continued to use different dating apps but remained uninterested in pursuing relationships with other men.
After dating for a year, he confessed that he had been seeing someone else. However, he chose to end that relationship when he realized he was in love with her.
“At this point, I had suffered considerable pain due to his constant pursuit of other options and his dishonesty about going on dates. I had believed that we were at least in an exclusive relationship, where we were only intimate with each other,” she said.
“I chose to move on from past issues after he promised that we would be committed to each other and finally build a future together. However, just three months later, around March 2024, he returned to dating apps and began seeing other women.”
His hesitation to fully commit to our relationship stems from my emotional instability and unpredictability throughout most of our time together, influenced by the challenges we’ve faced.
He asserts that his main goal is to find happiness and peace with her. However, she has indicated that he is the source of her ongoing instability.
He’s inconsistent with his feelings for her, often swinging between passionate affection and uncertainty about a committed relationship.
She acknowledges her recent emotional intensity and strong attachment to him, which allows her to empathize with his point of view.
Despite her continuous effort to invest in this situation ship, he has increasingly withdrawn. While he remains exceptional in many ways, his inability to commit is a significant issue.
He’s both witty and smart. They align perfectly in their values and have a fantastic rapport. She has a deep admiration for his family and finds him incredibly appealing.
She expressed her concerns, saying, ‘What I really wish was different is his commitment level and his tendency to be avoidant. A couple of weeks ago, he admitted that he had met up with a woman from a dating app for drinks, and they ended up spending the night together.’
He initially felt undervalued by me, due to my struggle with expressing words of affirmation, which is his love language. He noted that although she was very expressive of her feelings, he had no intention of becoming intimate with her. However, circumstances unfolded unexpectedly.”
“He mentioned that he expected to feel more self-assured and trust my verbal reassurances more after the situation. However, witnessing the pain it caused me made him realize that it wasn’t worth it.”
He has shifted his perspective and now envisions himself moving towards a committed relationship with her.
He has highlighted that he has gained significant insights over the past two years of their relationship. Although she acknowledges his personal growth, she feels emotionally exhausted and hurt.
She can sense his regret over being with someone else, and while she doesn’t want to deepen his guilt, her trust in him remains shaken.
She remains doubtful about his commitment to advancing their relationship to a more serious level in the near future.
She’s worried about the chance of being hurt by him again. Despite knowing the risks of their casual relationship, she still fears it.
“I believe we both need to work on rebuilding our trust. His wife’s criticism of his wardrobe caused many arguments, and now he feels her disapproval whenever he dresses.
“I want to rebuild trust in my relationship but feel unsure of how to approach it due to past pain. How can I rebuild this connection if I want to move forward with him? I know my situation might seem overwhelming, but I hope someone here can offer some guidance.”
You can read the original post on Reddit here.
