Three months ago, a 33-year-old woman and her 35-year-old husband, who have been together for four years, tied the knot.
Her husband has always maintained a high level of privacy regarding his personal life, a trait he exhibited long before they even met.
When they first began their relationship, her husband was transparent about his financial situation. Although he didn’t provide detailed figures, he was open about his credit card debt and the balance in his bank account.
After their engagement, her husband started a new job and stopped discussing his finances altogether, becoming increasingly secretive about his financial matters.
“Despite being fully aware of my income and financial details, he reacts as though I’m prying or being overly intrusive when I inquire about his own finances,” she said with frustration.
“I asked him about his monthly income so we could plan our budget and share responsibilities. He only provided a general estimate and avoided revealing the exact amount. At that time, I didn’t push for more details.”
“Recently, he mentioned that he had taken out a loan for our wedding. I asked about it, naturally wanting to support him. He hinted that it was a substantial amount but wouldn’t disclose the exact figure. I believe that we should build our marriage on transparency and shared responsibility, without any secrets between us.”
She believes that a strong and stable marriage is built on the foundation of honesty between partners.
She asked her husband if he trusted her, but he made it clear that his decision to withhold the loan amount wasn’t about trust.
He expressed discomfort in sharing his financial details with her, emphasizing that she should respect his privacy and understand his need to keep such matters private.
Before ending the conversation, he disclosed that his business partner is aware of the loan amount, making them the only other person besides himself who knows this information.
“I’m unsure how to feel about this situation. It seems like he trusts his partner more than he trusts me. I don’t understand why sharing finances with a spouse would be uncomfortable,” she expressed.
She feels guilty for wanting to learn more about her husband’s finances, as he keeps portraying her as a disrespectful and difficult woman for not honoring his wishes.
He said he could have kept the loan info to himself and that she should be thankful he share it.
She now understands that the problem goes beyond the loan—her husband is intentionally hiding his financial details from her.
He attributes his behavior to his inherent nature, and she mentioned that marriage alone can’t compel him to change.
“He has a deeply ingrained tendency to withhold financial information. I told him that while being single made this acceptable, transparency is essential now that we’re married. How should I approach this issue? What steps can I take to emphasize the importance of financial openness in our marriage? He seems to suspect that my concerns are driven by an ulterior motive rather than by genuine care and concern.”
Ultimately, she made it clear to her husband that continuing on this path would be a dealbreaker for her. In response, he suggested that she might have an underlying agenda.
She asked, “He said he acquired this loan before our marriage, so it doesn’t involve me. He’s going to let me know if he encounters any issues while we’re marri. What should my next steps be?”
You can read the original post on Reddit here.
